At a time like adolescence, when fitting in is of incredible importance, lying is irritatingly common. While children are notoriously bad at lying, teens have most likely improved these skills enough that it can be harder to detect when you're being lied to by your child. Look for classic signs of lying, then consider what motivation your teen might have to lie to you.
Will they get some sort of a reward or avoid a punishment if they can convince you of whatever they're aiming at? Does what they're saying agree with your own common sense? If not, press the issue. Keep in mind, however, it's important to pick your battles. If your teen is lying about whether they took the last cookie it's not as bad as if they're lying about where they were the night before. Lying is a bad idea under any circumstances and honesty is the best policy but at the same time, lying does happen and as a responsible parent, you need to know how to recognize it.
Classic signs of lying include emotionally defensive responses and some physical cues.
Covering the Mouth
On some visceral level, people often feel ashamed when they lie. It's almost as if covering the mouth is a classic way of expressing shame at one's own words.
Gaze Direction
When we're trying to remember something, we tend to look upward. When we're searching for inspiration or when we're fabricating a lie, we look down. It could be a introspection for a good story or it could be shame at the knowledge we're deceiving someone. While teenagers have a more sophisticated deceptive behavior than little kids, it's likely they'll still break contact and look down when they lie.
Blushing
Just as covering the mouth is a sign of shame at lying, so is blushing. Blushing can also, however, be a sign of anger or a sign that the person being questioned just feels "on the spot." Be careful how you approach this. Blushing in association with other indicators of lying, however, is likely to be shame at their own deceit.
Immediacy of Response
How quickly someone responds to a question can indicate lying. If they respond immediately with words that sound staged, these words have obviously been rehearsed. This is most likely to happen when the teen will be able to predict that they'll be questioned about something. Stalling in response by either trying to waste time or change the subject is helpful when lying because it gives them a chance to get the story straight in their mind. In short, a real response takes a little thought to formulate, but not so much that it's entirely fabricated. Either responding too quickly or taking too much time can be an indication of a lie.
Unreasonable Anger
When people defend themselves, they're often already thinking they're in the wrong. If someone expresses unreasonable anger at an accusation that they might have done something wrong, it could just be an attempt to try to get the questioner to drop the subject by fearing an angry response.
Reasons
No one but a sociopath lies unless they think they have a reason to. If your teen will get out of responsibility or sidestep blame or receiving a punishment, they're more likely to want to lie. If, by lying, they can impress someone or look cool or brag, they also have an incentive to lie. Trust people readily who have nothing to gain or lose by the outcome of what they say.
Source
- Children's knowledge of deceptive gaze cues and its relation to their actual lying behavior by McCarthy A, Lee K., J Exp Child Psychol. June, 2009
Sarah Parrish - Sarah Parrish began writing when she was fifteen, publishing articles in a newsletter called Getting Ready for at-risk youth. She wrote on ...
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